LeBron Calls In Sick

CLEVELAND (AP) – Fans in Cleveland were disappointed to hear today that former Cavalier forward LeBron James, who now plays for the Miami Heat, has the flu and has filed a request through the Miami Heat’s human resources department requesting 16.0 hours (two days) of Personal Time Off (PTO). Therefore, James will miss the Heat’s game in Cleveland Thursday night.

James began suffering flu-like symptoms as early as Sunday, which included headache, nausea, and a yellow belly. He will not travel with the team to Northeast Ohio. Instead, LeBron will take his illness to South Beach, where he will receive the finest medical treatment.

James insisted to the media that skipping Thursday’s game, where it is anticipated that he will receive a harsh reception from over 20,000 fans at Quicken Loans Arena, has nothing to do with his desire to avoid the situation. “I always show up for important games. Didn’t you see the Boston series last year or the 2007 NBA Finals against the Spurs? When the stakes are high, LeBron always shows up,” stated the Akron native.

By taking 16.0 hours of personal time off, James , a first-year employee of the Heat, is now down to only 34.0 hours, as he accrues 5.0 hours per pay period. Heat Human Resources Director Pete Walsh commented, “Most people in their first year like to save up their PTO for Christmas or a vacation in Spring, so we are a bit shocked that Mr. James would use up that much time for a simple illness.”

Meanwhile, in Cleveland, where thousands of fans had hoped to demonstrate at the game by burning James’ jerseys, instead just set fire to Lake Erie.